


Colors of the Heart

by screamingstrawberry



Series: Sympathetic Deceit Week [4]
Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders RPF
Genre: Anxiety, Bad self talk, Frustration, Lots of Crying, M/M, like angst to the max, playful teasing gone wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 05:30:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15136187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/screamingstrawberry/pseuds/screamingstrawberry
Summary: The explanation that most health classes gave you in middle school was pretty simple, you could see every color but your soulmates eye color until you saw your soulmate cry.In other words, everyone is sad, gay, and in love.( Deceit's name is Solace in this. )





	Colors of the Heart

No one really remembers when someone discovered tears and eye color and all the soulmate junk that went into it but the explanation that most health classes gave you in middle school was pretty simple. You could see every color but your soulmates eye color  **until you saw your soulmate cry** .

This had to do with the chemicals enhancements in the eye drops every person took and some special soulmate pheromone, that Solace hadn’t paid enough attention to learn. When the first class on soulmates ended, every kid was comparing what colors they could and could not see, and the next day they were coming in with onions trying to make themselves cry to see if any of them were soulmates. It had worked for Louis and Amelia, but nobody else in his class. 

Solace hadn’t participated.  All he could do to help his chances was take his eye drops, because without it the pheromone took days to kick in and he wanted to know who his soulmate was the minute he saw their tears, so he could comfort them of course. 

Solace figured out he had multiple. He couldn’t see shades of the color violet :a very rare eye color; and he also couldn’t see green, blue, and brown. He could still see his favorite color yellow though, and he was sure his soulmates weren’t missing too much by not being able to see the bright grey that was his own eye color. 

He missed colors, even if he’s never seen them never even able to imagine what they look like, it was a funny feeling to miss something you didn’t know. He guessed it was kind of the same way that he missed his soulmates. He knew he wanted to be the best soulmate possible, but Solace had a habit of saying the wrong thing to people, so by age eighteen he was certain he’d probably figure out his soulmate by  **making** them cry.

And he was right about one thing. 

_ Green - Sad Tears _

“Oh please you love me.” Roman’s voice carried through the college cafeteria, ringing a little bit in Solace’s ears. He groaned as he sat down, barely listening to Logan’s snarky response, but reveling in the way Patton wrapped his arm around his shoulder as he took his seat. He couldn’t let him know that though.

“Stop.” Solace hoped his tone was playful, as he moved his arm off of him, whispering so he didn’t interrupt the scene in front of them. 

Roman had one of his feet on the chair next to him, being dramatic, until Virgil trailed from behind Solace and moved his foot rather roughly to sit down next to him. Roman nearly fell into Logan who was sat on the other side of him, the three of them across from Solace and Patton. Roman huffed and turned to Patton as he laid his head on Solace’s shoulder. “You okay, Padre?”

“Hm?” Patton smiled, and Solace tried to get a look at it from where he was above Patton. Patton was a little taller than him, so his head blocked most of his view as he laid on Solace’s shoulder, but Roman appeared sated with whatever he found on Patton’s face. “I’m great!” 

“Good, then maybe don’t use me as a pillow.” Solace laughed, and Patton removed his head quickly. Conversation continued normally for the group of five, Roman telling them about the theatre department’s latest antics, Logan talking about his molecular genetics lecture even despite Solace and Virgil being in the same lecture. However there was silence in between the gaps that were usually filled with Patton talking about the kids he got to work with during his education classes.

Nobody seemed to mention it. It was probably another one of their before Solace, the four of them had been friends for a semester before Solace came to this university, with Solace wanting to take a semester off after high school, and there were just some things he’d be left out on. Eventually, Virgil and Logan left to get some early winks for their 8 am, and Roman headed over to rehearse lines with the drama club, leaving them all with kisses on the cheeks : an odd goodbye ritual for the group. Either way, it left Patton and Solace on the walk back to the dorms. 

The silence had started to bug him about halfway but he didn’t say anything until he heard a sniffle and felt a shiver come from his left. “Pat, what’s up with you? You’re not acting nearly as annoying as you normally are.”

He had about two milliseconds before the waterworks started and he turned to reassure him that he wasn’t annoying he was just joking when he caught the greatest glimpse of something on the ground. The grass had-well it had color. Most of it was covered it white, the last couple pieces of snow lingering way too long, but there was, grass was what, grass was green! He could see green! Oh god green was beautiful, he turned to tell Patton about it but he was gone. The sound of footsteps in the distant.

It had taken him the entire walk back to his room to stare up into his ceiling realizing that he had been able to see green because Patton had cried and Patton’s eyes were green, and Patton was his soulmate. And it terrified Solace, but it made him want to run.

So he ran to Patton’s room, knocked on the door with more excitement than he had ever felt in his life, knocking fast and like three times, bouncing up and down with energy only for Logan to answer the door. It seemed reasonable, he and Patton were roomates. But as it opened, Solace saw the other two, and ran over to Patton, in the middle of a group hug, no longer feeling the urge to tell him that he made Solace see green, but to apologize. Patton hugged him quickly, explained it had been just a bad day, and as another group hug erupted around them, Solace tried not to think about how everyone wasn’t really touching him, just hovering. 

_ Violet - Scared Tears _

Solace loved parties. He liked the dancing, he liked people pretending to want to get to know each other only to pretend not to know who they were the next time they saw each other. In high school, he had loved to think about meeting his soulmate at a college party. That thought didn’t entertain him as much these days as he watched Patton hover around the others. Little touches, longer goodbye cheek kisses. None for Solace though. Maybe he realized it, and was trying to send him signals? That’d be impossible though because Solace hadn’t told him, and Patton hadn’t seen him cry. 

None of that came to matter even as Roman and Patton found a way to dance in the hundreds of college kids packed in to the bottom floor of this tiny house, because this tiny house was getting busted. Kids slowly poured out, the police never really tried to catch anybody at these kinds of things they just shut them down if it got too noisy. So mostly everyone was fine, everyone except Virgil. 

When Solace felt the tight squeeze of the back of his arm disappear, he whipped around and saw Virgil on the ground, clutching his ears tightly. Solace didn’t have time to think about getting any of the others, if you hung around you would get arrested, so he reached down to pick Virgil up by his knees, bridal style. Virgil wrapped his arms around his neck, and Solace carried him out of the house all the way to where Patton, Roman, and Logan were looking for them worriedly on the street corner by the house. 

“Thank god.” Roman called as Solace approached, his arms on fire from carrying Virgil all this way, he refused to hand him over to anyone else. Virgil was taller than him, skinnier and at least thirty pounds lighter, but still taller. 

“We thought you-” Patton began but Solace shook his head, probably better than to scare him with more could ofs. They all starting walking back towards Logan’s car, and when Solace did set Virgil down for a minute they kinda full behind, he did it so the boy was standing in front of him, looking up at him. Just to check on him, Solace told himself, like a good friend. 

And suddenly the patches on Virgil’s hoodie stood out to him, looking rich in color. He’d gotten used to green, so it wasn’t that, and it was almost like red but not at all really, but he shook his head visibly before he could think on it. Virgil needed him. “Piggy back ride to the car?”

Virgil smiled, wiped his hoodie sleeve over his eyes, his black makeup underneath it smudging along the interesting colored patch while Solace turned around and bent over for him to jump on his back. It hurt a little more to carry him this way, but the giggle Virgil let out when Solace went Naruto running passed Roman, Logan, and Patton to the car with him on his back made up for it. 

He and Virgil climbed in the backseat, and when Patton climbed in on the other side of their anxious friend, he made a comment about washing Virgil’s hoodie so he could get the black out of the violet patch on his sleeve. 

So violet, it was. And it seems, another one of his friends was Solace’s soulmate. Yay him. 

_ Brown - Happy Tears _

Roman had done wonderful. His solo was probably the best song in the whole play, and Solace couldn’t help but getting this giddiness in him watching the way Roman bowed with complete and utter confidence in his performance. They, being Solace, Logan, Virgil, and Patton, snuck backstage to see him at the end of it before anyone else could. Or had at least tried to. 

Roman had been lifting Logan in the air, he being the first to reach there as he had the longest legs and a history of track. Solace brought up the rear and Roman must have finally conceded with the nerd’s uncomfortableness with being twirled around because as soon as Solace entered, Roman put him down. He didn’t pay much attention to it because not a second later, a loud deep voice was calling from behind. “Hey son!” 

Roman’s stepfather. 

Roman’s stepdad was the most interesting guy Solace had ever heard about. 6 foot 3, football star quality, but also in the front row of every show Roman ever did. Solace knew Roman’s past, how he didn’t like to talk about most of it, his dad leaving him, and his mom passing away shortly after giving birth to his baby brother. But his stepdad and his brother? He’d talk about them for days if he could. 

“Squirt!” A child’s voice called. 

“Hey bub!” Roman laughed, bending over and picking up the tiny child ruffling the child’s black hair. 

“I don’t believe we’ve met, yet.” Roman’s stepdad clapped him on the back, almost sent him flying considering he was the shortest among the group. 

“I’m Solace, sir, nice to meet you,” Solace held out his hand but Roman’s stepdad just laughed and pulled him in for a tight one armed hug. Solace closed his eyes as he did, leaned in a little toward it hoping no one would notice, and when he pulled away he was relieved to see Roman’s stepdad still smiling. 

“So what did you think about his performance?” Roman’s stepfather walked around to each of the boys to give them the same hug, and he watched as each returned it, even Virgil who normally shied away from physical touch at all. 

“I thought he was amazing!” Patton said. 

“You did alright.” Virgil shrugged, despite the smile on his face. 

“Arguably, I’d say his performance was impeccable.” Logan replied. 

“What about you Solace?” Roman asked, switching his brother to his right hip, as the five year old played with his hair. Solace watched as Roman bit his lip nervously and flashed a shaky smile, he saw the hidden question there.  _ Did you like it? _

“Roman was surely the best part of it all. The way he commands the stage is just so powerful, and his bass voice filled up the whole auditorium, it actually gave me chills.” As soon as he opened his mouth, the words just kind of spilled out of him, and he even raised his arm to prove his point, keeping the other arm with the roses for Roman behind his back, that also had goosebumps.

Even though, he was pretty sure that was just from naturally being colder than everyone else, but they didn’t need to know that. And when he looked back at Roman there were little glass drops collected at the edges of his eyes, and Solace held out the roses, an apology for making him cry but Roman dropped his head to hide the tears. Then, after what seemed like a lifetime, Solace was able to see the color of Roman’s hair. It was kind of dark, not like Virgil’s hair, but also warmer and Solace looked around, trying to take in new things. It was almost like red, but he knew it wasn’t because Patton’s hair was red and he’d been able to see it since the first day they’d met. Logan’s hair was a shade of this new color, darker than Roman’s, and so was Patton’s pants, and the color of Roman’s stepdad and brother’s skin. This new color was everywhere!

Brown, his brain telling him, and when a flyaway hair on Roman’s head shook as he laughed and mumbled through a thank you, Solace figured he quite liked brown. 

They all got invited out to eat with the Prince boys, and Solace found himself watching the way Roman laughed or smiled, feeling it light up his entire insides. He took the gaps in between tales of backstage mishaps and near flukes, to glimpse at Virgil’s soft smirk and Patton’s easy smile, making the feeling grow. This was going to be a long night. 

_ Blue - Stressed Tears _

“Fuck midterms.” Solace mumbled, plopping in a seat next to Logan that everyone else seemed to be avoiding as hey sat at the complete opposite end of the study table. 

“Amen.” Everyone cheered without picking their heads up from their books, and then Solace was lost in the hours of studying. 

When he finally looked up from the pages and pages of history notes, the table was exceedingly less populated than before, he noticed. Looking around the room, there was a staircase in the room behind them, that led up to a circular room with a hole in the middle looking down over the chair. Roman and Patton escaped up there, bending over the railing on the hole to wave hello as he looked up, before crouching down and resuming whatever they were doing. Virgil was asleep in the big lounge chair in the corner with his cordless headphones over his ears, it was almost three am after all, he said upon clicking open his phone. 

He stretched his arms, a little moan escaping him as joints cracked and muscles ached, pulling out his earphones. Just in time too, because as he opened his eyes again, he heard rather than saw Logan’s head slam against the table. Solace placed a hand on his shoulder, shaking him a little. “Logan, Logan, are you okay?” 

“No.” Came the answer muffled by study guides and excessively highlighted notes. 

“Let’s take a break.” Solace said, standing up out of the chair, and walking to the other side of Logan’s chair pulling it back a little. Logan’s head didn’t move but his body did, lifting his shirt a little so that Solace could see the pale skin with bright veins. He set the chair back down. 

“Can’t.” Logan mumbled again. 

“Come on, let’s at least get so1me food in you,” Solace puts his hands on Logan’s shoulders and when he did, he felt the muscles in them twitching ever so slightly. Worried, Solace wrapped his hands around Logan’s armpits, pulling up hard enough to remove his deadlike weight from the table but hopefully not enough to hurt him. When he finally got a glimpse of Logan’s face he saw that he was not only crying, but sobbing with his entire upper body. 

It was chilling, to say the least. 

“Logan.” Solace mumbled, tugging on him to pull him up and out of his chair and into his arms. Logan pulled his head away from the hug, tried to say something, but Solace shushed him, rubbing his hand in circles along his lower back. And he guesses that must of broke him, because he practically threw his head against Solace’s shoulder, and shook harder and cried louder. 

Soon enough, Solace caught sight of a familiar red hoodie, and something-something blue, blue he could see blue. Logan’s eyes were blue! Logan was crying and he could see blue so Logan was his soulmate! His last one! 

Oh, fuck. 

Patton’s shirt was blue, that’s what he had been seeing and he pulled Logan away from Solace a little roughly and into his arms while Roman went over to wake Virgil up. The thin student snapped awake, and Roman looked almost apologetic to take him by the hand and lead him over to the table, where Roman began packing up their stuff. 

Virgil patted Solace’s back, as Patton soothed Logan enough for him to quiet down ever so slightly. Solace moved to get his stuff just as quickly, and when they were all down he followed behind the small group of four. Patton holding onto Logan as the tallest of them kept his arms wrapped around the smaller man’s waist and his head on his shoulder. Roman had his hand in Patton’s open one, and Virgil was next to Logan, so close their shoulders were touching but the science major didn’t seem to mind. 

None of them seemed to notice Solace trailing behind, hovering in line with the space between Virgil and Logan’s bodies, staring at the feet moving along the floor in front of them. 

_ Grey - Lonely Tears _

They’d announced their relationship as soon as midterms had been over, for Logan’s sake. They sat him down, told him how they were all soulmates but they still wanted to be his friend and wanted him to hang out with them. He’d smiled, told him he was happy for them, but declined their invitation to join them for movies and pizza. 

Solace trailed down to the lobby of their dorm hall, turned the corner to the TV lounge. He sat down at the only table in the room, ignoring the sounds of pool, ping pong, and the grand piano coming from the activity room behind him, and opened his notebook. He attempted to study for an English quiz that he didn’t even really need to study for, and soon enough after about the fifth of sixth group of students passed him, he gave up. Leaning back in his chair dangerously, he pulled out his phone, pulling up a photo of the color wheel, and examined. He could see every single color. From the specific color of sandy brown that he related to Roman’s hair, to the orange that Logan’s math folder was. All the blues, greens, and violets of his soulmates there before him.

Fuck. He told himself that if he stayed in public he wouldn’t cry. He’d be able to ignore the jet black feeling that he felt in the middle of his chest, the dark blue clouds in his head.

“Oh please, sir Sing a Lot, Black Cauldron is way better.” 

Of course, of fucking course. Solace sniffled, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand as he pulled the top of his yellow comfort hoodie over his face in an attempt to conceal his face. He leaned his head forward a little, so he could see out but no one could see his face, and the ears were a little harder to keep in as soon an he saw the four of their shoes come into view. 

“But what if they’re hurt, Lo?” 

Solace got about two seconds of warning before his little sliver of sight was clouded with the familiar black of Logan’s favorite polo. He ducked his head down even further, maybe they didn’t recognize him. And tried to close in on himself as soon as he registered someone in the chair next to him. 

“Solace.” Roman’s voice held no room for disagreement, no way to disobey. So he lifted his head, let whoever was next to him pull back the hood off his head and tried to keep more tears from doing more damage. Roman, who he now realized was sitting next to him, gasped and reached out to touch him but Solace flinched away. “What’s wrong, sunshine?”

“I’m f-f-fine.” He stuttered out wrapping his arms around himself. The nickname hurt. It’d been silly enough at first, a simple misunderstanding of his name.  _ Solace, Roman, it means comfort not solstice _ , he could hear Logan’s voice say in the back of his head. Now it just reminded him of of the warmth he felt looking at Roman on stage, or hearing Virgil laugh, or seeing Logan smile. They had to know-they had to know their color missing by now-and that it was him-they just, didn’t want him. 

“That’s a lie.” Logan said but his voice getting farther away. Solace was getting lost in the missed messages they’d been sending him all along, they’d known from the beginning they were soulmates. All the stopping when Solace noticed something, hovering their touches instead of lingering them like they did with each other. 

He felt the fabric of something, and a hand somewhere on his back, and slowly he was coming back, but refusing to look up at Logan. Roman must have been the hand on his back, he could see Virgil’s shoes behind Logan’s. “Lo-gan.” 

Logan looked up away from Solace, to Roman behind the smaller boy. “What?” 

“Your tie.” Roman pointed to the material the student had been using to wipe away the tears collected around the bottom of Solace’s chin. 

Logan shot him a look of confusion before looking down, the tie was illuminating with a sharp color, one Logan knew, he knew because it was only color he hadn’t been able to see in months. The only color he’d been missing since that day in his and Patton’s room. He’d worn the tie as good luck, knowing it was grey. “I can see it.” 

“It’s grey.” Virgil replied, moving closer, bending down and Solace wanted to lean back to run away. Why were they rubbing it in? He wanted to scream yes, he was their soulmate, yes he’d leave them alone, yes he’d gotten carried away in the idea of true love and them. Far too carried away to remember that no one could really love him. But he stayed put anyway, frozen still, as Virgil found what he was looking for in his eyes and pulled Patton down to see. 

“Oh sweetie.” Patton said before anything. Before meeting his eyes, and wrapping his arms around Solace tightly. It was warm, and Solace didn’t move at first. Was too afraid Patton might let go, funny enough. “You knew, didn’t you?” 

Solace shook with a sob he didn’t know he’d been holding in, and soon enough the warm that surrounded his shoulders and a small hand’s width of his back, spread to everywhere. It was hard to tell where one boy started and the other began as they clutched onto each other. But Solace didn’t care.

It was so unfair to make him wait this long, but it was worth it. 

_ No More Tears _

A month later, Solace walked over to the window, or rather the large easel blocking the window where his boyfriend stood. The wooden end of the paintbrush in his mouth, causing the tiniest bit of grey paint to drip onto his smock, as he stared down his painting in creative confusion. Solace wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s waist, underneath the smock of course, and rested his head on Roman’s shoulder. Solace mumbled into the spot where Roman’s shoulder met his neck. “S’pretty.” 

“Yes, well it’s a lot easier to paint the stormy colors, now that I can see all of them.” Roman laughed, pulling the paintbrush out of his mouth so he could turn his head and press a kiss to the side of Solace’s face. 

“Sounds like a metaphor.” Patton yawned, stretching his legs out from his place curled up on the big large bed. It was actually two of the school issued beds put together, since they all needed a place to hang out in, and even though Patton and Logan shared, their room was always a mess. Solace didn’t have a roommate, and didn’t mind sharing his bed with his boyfriends one bit. 

“A pretty sad one if it is.” Logan mumbled next to him, his arm still laid over Patton’s stomach from his spot on the bed. 

“It’s too early, go back to bed.” Virgil groaned. He was curled up in the corner and grabbed his pillow to reach behind him and whack whoever was closest to him in the face. It happened to be Logan. 

“We would, but Ro’s  _ painting. _ ” Solace teased, pressing a kiss to Roman’s cheek before pulling away and joining the other three back on the bed. He climbed up the step stool he had because Solace was barely over five foot, and wiggled his way in between Logan and Virgil to pull the thinnest boy toward him and into his chest. 

“Bleh.” Virgil mumbled, but rested his head on Solace’s chest anyway. 

“You love me, shut up.” Solace leaned down to press his lips against Virgil’s, not even paying attention to the other’s morning breathe because as soon as their lips met, he melted. Pulling Virgil a little closer, pushing against him a little harder-

“Hey! Save space for me.” Roman laughed, removing his smock, setting his paintbrush in his cup of water, and full on jumping into bed with them. They all groaned somehow each one of them had been hit by at least one of Roman’s limbs but as he used his wide wingspan to pull them all toward him, they really didn’t care. Patton fit in between his legs, Logan was on his left side, Solace settled near his right shoulder, and Virgil tucked himself in between Solace and Patton, on top of Roman’s legs. “Much better.” 

“Agreed.” Came for responses, and soon enough morning turned into afternoon, and sleepy kisses turned heated, and by the time they were up for good, Roman pointed out the colors in his painting. It seemed every color was there, but the ones that stuck out to Solace the most were the five yellow stars that hung in the grey and blue night sky on the canvas. 


End file.
